Happy New Year from The Johnsons

As I'm sure you've read and heard ad nauseam, 2016 has been a tough little year on the humans. I don't want to dredge up all the negative feels when we're on the cusp of a new beginning, but it bears repeating: Prince died on my birthday. Sigh. Personally, it's been a doozy of a year as well - a year of surgery and long recuperation. Of moving Grandma J to Florida. Of dealing with all the emotional and physical implications of having dearly-loved people battle cancer and other serious illness. I could go on, but I think we're all depressed enough.

Here's the thing: Life is full of hardship, as Jesus warned us it would be. And that is exactly why we all need to know, love and follow Him. He and that marvelous Holy Spirit has sustained us in 2016, and they will sustain us through whatever 2017 has to dish out.

Plus, 2016 wasn't all bad. Some pretty incredible things happened too - even amidst the tough stuff. Yes, I spent a lot of time unable to do my thing - the kid wrangling, the exercise, the running around town to this activity and that. The obvious silver lining is that I got a brand spankin' new, titanium-reinforced spine! Plus, I got a couple of months off to lay around binge-watching good shows and buying stuff off the Internet! But our family also found a great friend in Cady Ryan, who helped us out on all fronts as our nanny.

We had a great year of travel, with Aaron and I getting away by ourselves on his company's rewards trip to Hawaii's Big Island. As a family, we enjoyed the sun in Gulf Shores and Myrtle Beach, and just this week in Florida, visiting Aaron's mom. So even though we don't get to have her in Louisville, she's a happy newlywed living just an hour away from the happiest place on Earth - Disney World! Plus, we really like her husband, Doug Macaulay! So now the only thing to decide is what to call her, as she's no longer Grandma J. Grandma M? McGrandma? My personal favorite: GrannyMac? What's your vote?

That's the macro view of the Johnson's 2016. Here's what we've been up to individually:

Aaron enjoys his career in commercial real estate for Marcus & Millichap. It's a challenge and comes with a good bit of stress, but Aaron thrives on strategy and puzzle solving - he loves to figure out how to make deals work! He continues to teach The Cord weekend group at Southeast Christian Church, and we both love the relationships we've cultivated there with some wonderful young families. It's a great community and has given us wonderful support! Aaron went above and beyond in supporting me this year as I recovered from surgery, juggling duties of mom, dad and bread-winner. Thankfully, he's a great juggler, too!

I'm happy to tell you that after four years, I'm finally pain-free! I can't thank Drs. Joseph Werner and Steven Reiss enough for their skillful hands and wisdom. With hope, as I continue to heal and strengthen I can get back in the gym and chase my children around, because it turns out that whatever you sit on for three months tends to expand and drop :) With three kids in three different schools, I've spent an enormous amount of time in the car. Honestly, it's been difficult to keep up with all their stuff, but that's parenthood. I expect that won't let up for another fourteen years or so. So I'll just choose to enjoy the madness. I enjoy leading our weekend group's ladies Bible study and am so thankful for the friendship and support the ladies give to one another. Friends, women are amazing. If you're of the female persuasion, I strongly suggest you gather up a group of women you admire and invest heavily in those relationships because they will teach you, make you laugh and cry (sometimes simultaneously) and will make you feel supported. I value them more every year of life.

It's been a big year for our first born, with Katie starting a new school and stretching herself to do things outside her comfort zone. We've seen her reading skills and general maturity leap in the last few months! To our surprise on spring break, she scaled a three-story ropes course without a sniffle. On her birthday, she got her ears pierced. She bounds into school in the mornings and returns to the car happy at the end of the day - a welcomed change, for sure! Katie has enjoyed being in the Lego club at school, extending from her growing collection at home. A prolific creator of all things artistic, Katie loves to write and illustrate her own short stories and has constructed and decorated an untold number of realms in her Minecraft world.

See those pearly whites? Several of them are gone in the three months since this school picture was taken. After much anticipation, Adam has been losing teeth left and right since turning 7. He has been a busy little man lately. Between school work, math club and now Trail Life, Adam loves to sidle up to the computer with big sis and create in Minecraft. He won his grade's spelling bee and will represent CAL's second grade at the district competition in February. He continues to be the family's comedian, as Nora explained to a perfect stranger a while back, saying, "he's quite funny." Adam has an insatiable curiosity about how things work, specifically as it relates to taking things apart (which recently had Aaron scouring the house for objects Mom wouldn't freak out about if he did so).

Nora was thrilled to begin preschool this year! While just starting her academic career, she's already developed a personality bigger than she is. Nora loves to sing little ditties she's heard on the radio or sometimes epic pieces made up on the spot. Word to the wise: just smile and clap your hands if you want to keep her happy. Nora loves Play-Doh, puzzles, kitchen dance parties, playing with her doll houses and keeping the dog on his toes. She's so much fun!

Pedro joined our family in July, and we love having him in it! A 3-year-old-ish mix of Jack Russell Terrier and who knows what, Pedro came to us from the Oldham County Humane Society. He loves to snuggle with human types, keep Dad's side of the bed warm, take brisk walks around the neighborhood and bark his head off at all passers by. His dislikes include fetching, preferring instead to chase after whatever edibles falls on the floor. So much a terrier, yet not a terrier! Pedro was Mom's shadow during recovery from back surgery, and his companionship was good medicine.




So tomorrow we all get a fresh start. The Johnsons get the added blessing of beginning with a celebration of new life for our son, Adam, whom Aaron will baptize into the family of Christ tomorrow. Aaron and I couldn't be more thrilled to not only call Adam our beloved son, but also our brother in Christ. As two people who've found peace and hope in Him, there's nothing we could want more for our children - or for you!

We pray this year brings you God's blessings, even in the trials. May they come in the form of love, peace and joy. Give lots of hugs and grace. Be kind to those who don't deserve it. Be grateful for the time we have together as friends and family. We love you!

Recovery Lessons

In a home full of kid messes and visual chaos, I'm glad I've been adamant about keeping my bedroom a sanctuary because I've spent most of the last two weeks holed up in here. Now that my Percocet is used up, I feel comfortable telling the Internet I'm recovering from back surgery.

This comes after four years of lower back pain that started just a few months after the birth of our third child. As I worked hard in high-intensity gym classes over that first postpartum year to lose the baby weight, my pain increased. A MRI in spring of 2014 revealed a vertebra 9 mm out of place, squeezing my spinal cord and putting added pressure on one of my discs. Unwilling to undergo surgery at that point, we opted for pain management. I tried epidural injections, which we stopped when their insane cost outweighed the minimal benefit. I noticed an increase in pain back this summer and had another MRI in July, and it showed the bone had continued to shift to 14 mm out of place (see image below). By the time I made it to an orthopedic surgeon in September, an x-ray revealed a further shift to 17 mm. That's about half the diameter of a vertebral body, the ortho reported, adding that if I put off surgery to the new year, I would risk paralysis. That prognosis being said, and seeing the image of a piece of my spine sticking out like a Jenga block, I was ready to be cut.

So on Sept. 26, I had a laminectomy and fusion of L4 and L5. That's right - I am now bionic, featuring rods and screws and prepared to hold up every airport TSA screening line. The procedure went fine, except my surgeons uncovered a tear in my dura mater, the sheath covering the spinal cord. Saying the tear likely was caused by a misplaced needle during one of my several epidurals (including one for each of my kids), one of the surgeons patched it. I spent the first 48 hours post-op flat on my back to allow the patch to heal and in the most intense pain outside of childbirth I've ever experienced.

I slept through most of the first several days, both at the hospital and home. Thankfully, my mother-in-law flew up from Orlando to help Aaron with the kids. We just hired a nanny to take over when she flies home, as I won't be allowed to lift anything for who knows how long.

The most comfortable position, well, doesn't really exist. However, sitting and standing for long periods bring worse pain than I had before surgery, so I'm horizontal most of the time. When I do get up, I have to wear the above-pictured back brace. I know what you're thinking - Where can I get one of those beauties? Well, not just anywhere. They are sold exclusively at my ortho's office and are so fab you don't even get to know how much they cost. Blue Cross/Blue Shield will inform you later. If you do manage to snag one, pair it with yoga pants and a makeup-free face to complete the look. Maybe a top knot for the hair - I really didn't have myself together when that photo was taken. Be sure to let everyone see you attempt to sit on a couch with it on, because stiffly rocking while trying to find your cozy spot (visualize a turtle caught on its back) is so chic.

This has been a humbling experience, to say the least. I love housewifery and motherhood, even if the latter exhausts and frustrates me to no end. I take a ton of pride - you know, that thing God says He hates - in caring for my family and making our household run smoothly. Aaron told me once that I have an addiction to being needed, and I've since discovered he is absolutely right. I delight in being capable and taking care of business. I love cooking yummy meals. Looking over a tidy home, despite the three kids and a dog, and knowing I made it that way makes me feel like I've beaten the odds. But the Lord has a way of showing His children when they've put themselves on the throne, when they've reveled in their own strength rather than in His. And I have been guilty.

Not being able to bend, twist or lift has left me with exactly zero ability to do my thing. Do you have any idea how many things I drop in a day? I'm asking my children to fetch things lest I have to pick them up with my toes (although I've gotten rather good at this). They've had to help more than they're used to, which actually is a big plus! The floors are dusty. What is that mystery smell in the kitchen? I don't even want to know what debris lurks under those couch cushions, but I'm dying to rip the couch apart to clean it.

Apart from coming to terms with my pride, I'm battling other troublesome attributes that haunt me, like perfectionism. Who cares if the kids have had a blanket fort pitched in the living room for three days? Really, Lord, do I have to wear the back brace? Really? I may or may not have been incredibly cranky with my family. You can ask them about that later, Lord help me. Humans are capable of doing the most awful things when they're in pain. I'm grateful that I just get salty and short-tempered, although that's bad enough for the family. I also carry an addiction to exercise and, with it, the terrifying premonition that when I graduate from yoga pants I'll discover I no longer fit into my regular pants.

We've established that pride in self is bad, but can I say with righteousness that I'm proud of my husband? He has completely re-arranged his everyday to fill in the gaps of my absence. He has encouraged and held me when I've burst into tears over the pain. And over nothing in particular - I was off my meds for a while, too.

And let me just say that I am so in love with the body of Christ! I can't even count how many in our community of believers came to visit me in the hospital. I may have been too drugged to recall what we talked about, but I will always remember that you were there! You prayed over me. You brought me flowers and sweet notes, care packages of boredom-busters and hot meals. You have arranged play dates to occupy my lively brood. You've shown up to walk my dog, who has loyally stayed by my bed-ridden side. How beautiful are the hands and feet, indeed!

You guys, it's so true that the Lord wastes no trial. He's working in my heart as well as my spine, and He always brings beauty out of the ashes. I've had more focused time to pray, not just troll Facebook and binge watch the first few episodes of This is Us, although I've done all of these.

What all of that said, thank you for walking beside me these last couple of weeks. Your friendship and fellowship has meant the world to me and my family. We love you and know our Lord smiles at His people taking care of one another!

Of Mother's Day and Messes

We're coming off a whirlwind kind of period at the Johnson house. I turned 39 a couple of weeks ago, got an ear infection and haven't heard anything out of my left ear since. And all within the last few days my husband and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary, the Kentucky Derby ran in our city and we endured Mother's Day. I say "endured" because there's something about major holidays that evokes my children to over-the-top crazy behavior - sort of like a full moon. Last Mother's Day, for example, their antics made their grandmother cry.

So yesterday one child, who shall remain nameless here, threw such a mighty tantrum just before dinner that he/she threw up. And nothing says, "I love and appreciate you, Mom" like vomit on white carpet. Thank you, Aaron, for cleaning it up while I cried over the grill.

I had hoped that today would be a clean-slate kind of day. We would push the reset button and wake up to new possibilities, new mercy - maybe even new hearing! Today, however, was not my day. One child woke up earlier than the other and started watching a show for which the other had not given approval, and so it began. A hunger strike. Marathon complaining. Repeated requests to get ready for school met with a disgruntled kid staring into the abyss. We get into the car without jackets - I forgot to encourage them to wear them, so I was rebuked for "not letting them have coats" on such a brisk morning.

On the drive I began my speech: "Guys, clearly we have had a rough morning, but that doesn't mean we have to have a bad day. All of us are human and we make mistakes and forget things," I began. Somewhere in the monologue I reassured them that even when I correct them I am doing so out of love.

"You guys will never know how much I love you," I said, adding for emphasis, "I would die for you."

"Well, why don't you just die?" one of my  angels said into my good ear.

I looked back to see a smirk. The kid didn't mean it - of course he/she didn't. But that really didn't matter in the moment. I cried. I prayed for them in carpool as usual, only sobbing. They didn't say a word. They just hopped out of the car and trotted into the building like any other morning.

I returned home to lament to my unsuspecting husband how life was just a wreck. Case in point, we received notice Friday that our yard is in violation of the homeowner's association guidelines because of our epic weeds. They were really impressive, although I doubt our neighbors would describe them as such. But if our home is a mess outside, it's because we can't get a handle on what's going on inside long enough to address it. It's cluttered, I'm behind on ironing, stacks of papers litter my kitchen counter, and then there are our offspring. Homework often is a tear-filled nightmare. We can't keep up with events, emails and stuff to send in for their classrooms. Goodness, I can't even get into their various and sundry issues, let alone how they interact with my own.

So today I'm feeling defeated, but I do recognize that it's just an emotion. Emotions aren't good or bad in and of themselves, and thank the Lord they pass. I am praying for strength through Christ, for perspective and perseverance. For starters, the Lord brought this to my attention in today's reading. It's from Joanna Weaver's Having a Mary Spirit in a Martha World, and I hope it encourages you as it did me:

St. Augustine once preached a sermon in which he proposed a kind of self-test to see if we truly love God:

"Suppose God proposed to you a deal and said, 'I will give you anything you want. You can possess the whole world. Nothing will be impossible for you... Nothing will be a sin, nothing forbidden. You will never die, never have pain, never have anything you do not want and always have everything you do want--except for just one thing: you will never see my face.'

Augustine closed with a question:

"Did a chill rise in your hearts when you heard the words, 'you will never see my face?' That chill is the most precious thing in you; that is the pure love of God."

I want that chill to resonate in me because on days like this I so want to see the Lord's face. If the whole world crumbles beneath my feet today, let me see His face.